


Poor Wandering One

by completelyhopeless



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Community: comment_fic, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, mostly gen but there is implied tony/pepper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:02:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/completelyhopeless/pseuds/completelyhopeless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Tony was casting other Avengers for <em>The Pirates of Penzance,</em> he'd know he'd too much to drink. Instead, it's an alternate universe. </p><p>Really, it's just crack because pirates AU=<em>The Pirates of Penzance</em> in my brain and there's no way to do that without crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poor Wandering One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evil_Little_Dog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Little_Dog/gifts).



> For the prompt: _[Any, any, pirate AU](http://comment-fic.livejournal.com/530309.html?thread=76013701#t76013701)_
> 
> I had a completely cracky fic idea come to me, and I said, "No."
> 
> Then I happened to look again at the theme for that day's prompts and it _was_ crack. And so I gave in because I am that kind of insane.
> 
> So if the Avengers were in _The Pirates of Penzance,_ a.k.a. the Slave of Duty...

* * *

When Tony starts casting other Avengers for _The Pirates of Penzance,_ he knows he's had too much to drink.

When J.A.R.V.I.S. mentions that the side effects of one of Tony's latest experiments must have been alternate universes, Tony initiates a ban on interdimensional travel.

It's watching Captain America that does it, seeing the star spangled man with a plan say, “Well, you have appealed to my sense of duty, and my duty is only too clear. I abhor your infamous calling. I shudder at the thought that I have ever been mixed up with it, but duty is before all. At any price, I will do my duty.”

It's watching Coulson go around saying that he is the model of a modern major general.

It's the impossibly ridiculous sight of Banner as Ruth the nursemaid who was hard of hearing and the false one who deceived Fredrick by claiming to be beautiful.

It's the fact that Romanoff is not Mabel or any of her sisters but the pirate king.

Or maybe it was that Pepper was Mabel.

That really was intolerable.

* * *

“You know, J.A.R.V.I.S, I don't understand why _I_ wasn't the pirate king,” Tony said the next day, slightly more sober as he worked on his device to render all interdimensional travel impossible. “I should have been the pirate king, right? I get Spangles being the slave to duty. Makes perfect sense. Still not sure about that whole Hulk as Ruth thing, but I suppose he's probably hard of hearing. Though it would fit Barton better because he's deaf. How did he get to be that other guy, the what's it?”

“Samuel, sir,” J.A.R.V.I.S. answered. “He is the lieutenant of the pirate king.”

“Right. That only makes sense because triple agent was the pirate king. Why wasn't she one of the daughters?”

“I cannot speculate, sir.”

“And Thor? Who was he again?”

“I believe he was the chief of police,” J.A.R.V.I.S. said. “You did say you wanted recordings of your trip made, didn't you?”

“Oh, yes,” Tony agreed. “I'm saving them for next Halloween.”

**Author's Note:**

> I should probably say I'm sorry now, right?


End file.
